RoBynne O'Ring's GRUNTS OF PASSION

An elongated girl with Modigliani eyes in a Modigliani face atop a body very much to match: as though Seated Nude or Reclining Nude had gotten off her divan, stepped out of frame, dyed her hair fuchsia, combed and moussed it cockatoo-style, put on scoopneck spandex and a leather mini, and joined The Go-Go’s...

click on the pic above to get, y'know, like the full effect

   Check out ALL of RoBynne O'Ring's
   appearances (with and without
   Skeeter Kitefly and/or clothing)
   below:

RING AROUND WITH ROBYNNE

...Wherever they went, RoBynne would check out her protégée through those hoodah/thawtit X-ray eyes and suggest ever more radical enhancements. If Skeeter hesitated, RoBynne would lead by example or rather by ensemble: today’s being a tuxedo T-shirt, cummerbund, and plaid skirt that might have been primly kneelength had its hem not been clipped to the opposite hip in order to display RoBynne’s striped tights (and see how many agitated middle-aged women might take her aside to hiss, “Honey! You stuck your skirt in your pantyhose!!”)...

click here to read "Ring Around with RoBynne"
as it appeared online in Ten Thousand Monkeys

KITEFLY IN THE OINTMENT

"...Listen—this next part is so bitchen and it’s all true—a couple years later I boost this Blondie album, Parallel Lines? Debbie Harry was like my biggest idol and I’da done anything to be like her. So I put on the ‘phones and listen to her album over ‘n’ over all night long, and the next day, when I wake up... I got it all: the face, the tits (real ones), ass, legs, everything—all at once, all outta nowhere. I kept staring at myself, at like this stranger babe’s bod, on me—and I said, ‘SHIT this is so magical!’...”

click here to read "Kitefly in the Ointment"
as it appeared online in The Shadowshow

PROUD TO BE SHORT

...My friend RoBynne (have I told you yet about RoBynne O’Ring? she’s writing a smutnovel) went on sunbathing display the other day in this set of leopardskin thongs and rhinestone suspenders; and she’s only nineteen and maybe six feet tall and completely olivaceous to boot—but even she allowed that, standing next to me and my True Bod, she looked like “a foggin’ giraffe.” That’s an exact quote, too. (Actually RoBynne’s terrifically attractive. For a giraffe girl, that is...)

click here to read "Proud to Be Short"
online in Unlikely Stories

LUSTDAZE

...A couple weeks ago my friend RoBynne got me into the BoogaBloo Angel, this breakers club downtown, and I found myself spinning round the dance floor with these inner-city boyhunks who definitely weren’t Sven-types, fer shure fer shure...

click here to read "Lustdaze"
as it appeared online in Wilmington Blues

THE ENVY OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD

...My friend RoBynne—I still haven’t told you about her, have I? Well, I’m not going to try to describe RoBynne O’Ring; nothing I could say would give you an idea anywhere near what she’s like. ...When I went to work at SMECK in my dowdy little duds, and caught sight of RoBynne boppin’ around doin’ her thing (she’s an X-ray courier) wearing the very heighth of New Wave fashion—well, I was so sick with envy I just about ate my own pea-green liver. Seriously!...

click here to read "The Envy of the Neighborhood"
as it appeared online in The Sidewalk's End

PANDORA'S BOP

“...Like ¡buenas tardes!” said RoBynne, extending a hand festooned with gewgaws on fingers and wrist. Before Peyton could clasp it, she reached up to run it over his scalp (“Y’gotta excuse my doing this”) and then moved very close, treating him to a heady teenage compound of Giorgio, Aquanet, Tropical Blend tanning oil, and Bazooka bubble gum...

click here to read "Pandora's Bop"
as it appeared online in Ten Thousand Monkeys

LIQUID DITTY

...RoBynne meanwhile draped her DayGlo self across Peyton’s desk. Up rode the petticoats, down hung the camisole, and again came the whispering: “Yo, teacher dude... woontcha like to be my sweet poppa?... does she tell you stuff?
I was raised Catholic, I could tell you stuff—”

click here to read "Liquid Ditty"
as it appeared online in Entropic Desires

THE DEMON BAG LADY OF SKEET STREET

...enthusing all the while about a magnolia-yellow Dodge sedan that RoBynne O’Ring was plotting to inherit from her dying Aunt Violet. $230 having been deemed insufficient compensation for a DeSoto that had cost Skeeter $400 just last August, the girls put their deal on hold till RoBynne could raise more wherewithal or find something fit to trade. (And not a lost motorcycle, either.) This sudden talk of “dying Auntie Vi” alarmed Peyton, even after Skeeter explained that Vi had been a worldly-wise taxi dancer in her day...

click here to read "The Demon Bag Lady of Skeet Street"
as it appeared online in Ten Thousand Monkeys

NO-NAZZ

“...I told RoBynne and RoBynne said, ‘If they wanna screw ya they gotta kiss ya first.’ What do you think?”
“Well, RoBynne’s putting it that way doesn’t really surprise me—”

click here to read "No-Nazz"
online in Unlikely Stories

FINE LINES

...RoBynne promptly sat on his lap and looped an arm around his neck, enveloping him in a froth of lemon-lime perfume. Carbonated, like Mountain Dew. Shifting her foxy posterior (once, twice, and again) to accommodate/evade his baying hound of love—
     “So, I hear y’like raspberries. Wanna guess what color French-cuts I got on?”
     “Hey!” from the kitchen. “Quit describing your panties to my fellah!”
     “Oh, yer fellah, hunh?”
     “Oh, yer panties, hunh?...”

click here to read "Fine Lines"

ANGELMAKING

...Sing about girls just wanting to have fun, UH-oh! UH-oh! Favorite new song, courtesy of a compact snookums named Cyndi Lauper, who in her kitschy-koo habiliments looked a lot like Skeeter Kitefly impersonating RoBynne O’Ring.
I wanna be the one to bop in the sun; I’m So Unusual—

click here to read "Angelmaking"

THE RUBY HOTSTUFF SKEETER KITEFLY

“...Y’think college types don’t appreciate bitchen bods? Lemme tell ya—this one time I was delivering Chinese takeout by motorcycle, wearing these rully short outfits? And when I’d deliver to the dorm at that Use ‘Em school Tweeter goes to, all the dudes’d follow me out to watch me like climb back on the bike. Y’shoulda seen the tips I hadda lug away from that place!...”

click here to read "The Ruby Hotstuff Skeeter Kitefly"

TITULAR ASSETS

...While we were trying on legwarmers, RoBynne suddenly decided she wants to design her own line of New Wave lingerie. That is, after she finishes writing her smutnovel and guest stars in a dozen music videos. She asked me to think up a good brand name and I suggested “Brazen Hussies,” but after she chased me out to the parking lot we decided that “Titular Assets” was even better...

click here to read "Titular Assets"
as it appeared online in Ten Thousand Monkeys

TEETOTAL

...So there’s Lonesome RoBynne the Hypnotized Vixen, vamping away right up front. Tony barks “NOW SQUEEZE THE BUTTOCKS” and she does it with the seat of her edible purple leotard practically in his face—this while still facing forward, mind you. Limber ain’t the word for it. And forget that country-western music; RoBynne’s playing her own mental tape of the Stones’s Tattoo You—“Got to shock him! show him/she’s his little rock ‘n’ ro-hull, ya ha ha!...”

click here to read "Teetotal"
as it appeared online in Ten Thousand Monkeys

BREAKFAST OF RUNNERS-UP

...Oh yes, RoBynne’s a semipro seamstress—makes a lot of those bitchen outfits she runs around in, and can alter things till you’d never guess what they started out as. She once took this ordinary yellow raincoat and by the time she was finished with it, every kinkette in town would’ve been proud to put it on. If they could—it takes two of us helping her just to wrestle it onto RoBynne. But it’s got a hidden safety catch that can spring her right out of it. She calls it her “Chiquita Peel...”

click here to read "Breakfast of Runners-Up"
as it appeared online in Ten Thousand Monkeys

VERISILLYMISSITUDE

...I hear there’s actually nothing less stimulating than to be filmed with your bare buff mashed up against another actor’s bare buff, under hot klieg lights and the eyes of fifty crew members, with some director telling you what to do and when to do it and where to put it and yelling “CUT” at all the heeviest moments. (Of course I know some people who’d get off on exactly that—my ROmantic friend RoBynne O’Ring, for instance...)

click here to read "Verisillymissitude"
as it appeared online in Ten Thousand Monkeys

HEAD FOR HIGH HOG HEAVEN

...There's haulassing through the Bad Part of Town after dark on motorcycleback, hurtling into neon and freon on every side and hanging for dear life onto RoBynne O’Ring ‘cause you’re both more than a little blitzed and don’t know the meaning of cease or desist but realize that red lights are in fact special invitations to go girl go! when you’re a hot chick in an urban setting with all the wee hours still ahead of you...

click here to read "Head for High Hog Heaven"

BURSTING UNMENTIONABUBBLES

...Then with her other hand Dani gets hold of RoBynne by the seat of her matador britches, which you’d’ve sworn were skintight but of course women in labor have the strength of heavy artillery, and with my own eyes I see Dani reach inside and grab the waistband of those French-cut fancypants that RoBynne calls her “lucky drawers”—that is when she’s not busy going “AAY!” and “LEGGO!” and then this kind of shrill-pitched whinny as Danielle starts yanking and hauling away...

click here to read "Bursting Unmentionabubbles"
as it appeared online in Ten Thousand Monkeys